g h o s t ~

But i justt need to get this out and im just going to keep wriring and im not stopping.

I hate having to pretend that i dont care jsut because of the way you treated me. i cant stop thinking about it and i want to but i cant i just cant. its all i think about and i have to stop. i told myself i will but i cant. and its starting to get horrible ebcause day after day were getting more and more distant and its like what the fuck. i miss you. i miss you so much. i hate having to pretend that i dont know you anyomre. or that i dontc are.
i was so happy. so so happy. and now, whenever i think back tot he fact that we'll never be that way again i just get quiet and moody and upset and angryt but i cant help that and it pisses everyone else off and im sorry for that and i cant help that either i cant help any of these feelings or thoughts but i wish i could because ilove you. i fucking love you and i cant say that i cant say that to anyone. i havent cried this much in so long and now im going to regret posting this but i shgouldnt because no regrets. you made me happy and now its not like that so regrets. for nothing ever but i regret that were gone and i regret not doing anything about it even thought i did and i regret having yto be so fucking angry at you all the time. all the time all the time always. i always look for you at schhool. i always walk around hoping to bump into you. hoping to see you online. buit everyitime i do i get so bnervous and angry and pissed off and i cant help that.
im a mess without you
andi cant stop crying and i need you because when im with you im not enrvous or scared or sad im so so hjappy. im like the girls in cartoons. the little ones that you think dont really exist. but they do, they really do i promise. i have all the proof.,
i dont want to take away the hpapines of those people that have to rant to me about their love lifes. or their girlfriends or bnoyfriends. i shuld be abelt o listen to them without getting shitty., i shouldnt hate love. i shouldnt hatre anything or anytone but i do. i fucking do, i hate everyone. and ihate mysel and the eprson that ive become without you