For once in my life, I want to grow up

And Im going to.
Im going to do this, not just to prove you wrong, though.
Im going to start acting my age, so I can have something to look forward to.
So I can see the people I love.

My current wishlist

Yep.
I've always wanted one of those wall shelf things. For books, or anything, really. They're so cosy, convenient and decorative. Wow, I sound more like a douche than I ever have, haha. Oh well.
Yeah I'm really diggin' Alexisonfire right now. So so much.
Their album got leaked, so last.fm assumed it's been released, so there I was, parading around from one JBHIFI to another.
Turns out it's officially being released June 23rd.
I think thats it for today.
Im stuck doing school work all day.
D;

Speak soon xo.

What have I done.

No more negative nancy.

Aw, good luck, honey.

He eats face.

---

Sam is coming to Newport to take away my dignity, in the form of a pikachu suit.
That's all for today.

I broke down again today.
And I think I lost someone close to me,again.
I'm starting to lose a lot of people. Its more the fact that I just don't care about anything.
School-work or friendships. I know I should, but I can't.
I wish I could become a stronger person.

But i justt need to get this out and im just going to keep wriring and im not stopping.

I hate having to pretend that i dont care jsut because of the way you treated me. i cant stop thinking about it and i want to but i cant i just cant. its all i think about and i have to stop. i told myself i will but i cant. and its starting to get horrible ebcause day after day were getting more and more distant and its like what the fuck. i miss you. i miss you so much. i hate having to pretend that i dont know you anyomre. or that i dontc are.
i was so happy. so so happy. and now, whenever i think back tot he fact that we'll never be that way again i just get quiet and moody and upset and angryt but i cant help that and it pisses everyone else off and im sorry for that and i cant help that either i cant help any of these feelings or thoughts but i wish i could because ilove you. i fucking love you and i cant say that i cant say that to anyone. i havent cried this much in so long and now im going to regret posting this but i shgouldnt because no regrets. you made me happy and now its not like that so regrets. for nothing ever but i regret that were gone and i regret not doing anything about it even thought i did and i regret having yto be so fucking angry at you all the time. all the time all the time always. i always look for you at schhool. i always walk around hoping to bump into you. hoping to see you online. buit everyitime i do i get so bnervous and angry and pissed off and i cant help that.
im a mess without you
andi cant stop crying and i need you because when im with you im not enrvous or scared or sad im so so hjappy. im like the girls in cartoons. the little ones that you think dont really exist. but they do, they really do i promise. i have all the proof.,
i dont want to take away the hpapines of those people that have to rant to me about their love lifes. or their girlfriends or bnoyfriends. i shuld be abelt o listen to them without getting shitty., i shouldnt hate love. i shouldnt hatre anything or anytone but i do. i fucking do, i hate everyone. and ihate mysel and the eprson that ive become without you

Recurring dreams

I just daringly put my blogspot URL up on myspace. This isn't going to end well.
I woke up late this morning, after another series of my recurring dreams. It's sort of gotten to the point where I don't even want to sleep because I know what's going to happen anyways. It's like reading the last page of a book before you even start it.

~

I've been kidnapped.
I've been kidnapped.
I've been kidnapped.
I've been kidnapped.
I've been kidnapped.
I've been kidnapped.
I've been kidnapped.
I've been kidnapped.
I've been kidnapped.
I've been kidnapped.
I've been kidnapped.

Boiled Frogs

I'm changing my room again. I'm not re-arranging it this time, though. I'm just re-doing my wall. If you've been to my house/seen my room, you'll know that its about the same effort. For those of you who haven't been over, one entire wall of mine is completely plastered. And the rest have a few things on it. But yeah, I took everything down, and now my room looks empty. It reminds me of the houses in Manly. Or what I think they'd look like.
I remember how excited I was about my "new" room, after I re-arranged it recently. I knew he'd like it so so much. But now all it reminds me of trying to impress him by changing everything. Therefore I decided to change it all again hah.
Im listening to a lot of Alexisonfire right now. Particulary 'Boiled Frogs'. Very nice, indeed.
This weekend has been amazing. I saw Ryan & Jamie yesterday, then I babysat. Seeing Ryan & Jamie was nice. It was something different, something new. I'd do that day over and over again.
It's so cosy in here right now. I put on scented candles and I have a bottle of 'THE ORIGINAL PANCAKE S H A K E' next to me, which I will be (hopefully successfully) making after lunch.
I'm thinking of what else I had t- Oh yes!
Tomorrow, Im having another family day. We're going into Manly to catch a Ferry to the city, which I am so keen on. So I have to finish all my homework tonight so I can do that tomorrow. Except that includes a 6 minute speech for English, which should be fun. Although I doubt I'll get anywhere near completing that tonight.
Lunch is ready!
Speak soon. xoxo

Cliche

I wish you could just for once see this from my point of view. You say I deserve better than you. I deserve happiness. Honestly, as of yet, Ive been happiest with you. This is so hard for me. I don't want to hate you, not at all. But I wish you'd at least acknowledge the fact that I exist. But since you really don't, I cant help but feel that way. Can't help but feel like I have to get back at you for the way you treated me. But then I realize that I'm just like you when I do that. I care about you so much, but when I remind myself that you don't, I get so upset and disappointed that I have to release these feelings by getting back at you. But like I said, that's wrong.
I wish you'd just realize.
I'm in love with a robot.

Intro, I s'pose?

Hello. Im totally new to this site, and I kind of prefer it to LJ, sorry. This is so much more simple. Well, my name's Trix, and I have so much I need to get out, so I may as well do it over time. There's always something new to say, or something to say in general, so Im psyched on this blog.
Okay, speak soon! xo